Sigmund Spot’s newest patient (reprise) II

N.B. This is the second part of a dialogue I wrote in November, 2010 after Republican Rep. Tom Hackbarth was spotted packing heat in a Planned Parenthood parking lot in St. Paul and was briefly detained. Although Hackbarth seems worried about his legislative future in the dialogue, he suffered no long term consequences. He’ll be back in the Legislature in January of 2013. He didn’t get his girlfriend back, though. In light of the current national discussion about why people own and use guns, it seemed appropriate to run again. You can read the first part here.

– o O o –

Vhy do you tink zat people stereotype you, Hackingcough?

Vell — dammit; there I go again — I don’t really know.

Tink.

I am tinking!

Tink harder.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I like to exercise my Second Amendment rights.

You mean you like to carry zat gun around?

Well, yes, but you make that sound like a bad thing.

Maybe zat’s why you like to call it “exercising your Second Amendment rights?”

Maybe. But my friend is such a confidence builder.

Ah, I zee.

I mean, like now; you put my friend away, and I feel really inadequate and vulnerable here.

How long have you felt zis way, when you don’t have your “friend” with you?

Oh, like forever.

Zere is a pill for zis now, you know.

I know, but when I put my friend on the nightstand, things seem to work.

I zee. Did za marriage begin to zour vhen you started to put your “friend” on za nightstand?

Gosh! It did! I never thought of that!

Do you tink za two are related?

I can’t imagine that they are.

Vell, Siggy can. Vhen you zigned up for za internet dating service, and zhen made contact with zis new woman, did you mention zat you like to carry guns around on your person?

No. But I told her when we went out; I even showed it to her! She was impressed, I’m sure.

Ya, you made za impression all right, but probably not za one you zink. It was after you showed za woman your gun zat she seemed to pull away, again to use your vords, isn’t zat right?

Yes.

And now, after za newspaper reports zat your were out looking for her on za streets of St. Paul — with your friend — zat you can’t get a hold of her?

Right.

Vut do you make of zat?

Are you saying that my attachment to my friend is interfering with my ability to maintain relationships with women?

Vell, if the foo zhits.

I’ll have to think about that one for a while, Doc. Say, I do have one other relationship problem I’d like to discuss. This one is with a guy. His name is Kurt Zellers.

Za time’s up today, but we’ll talk zis Zellers fella next time. [I never did get around to that one.]

Graphic by Tild