Don’t sound the herald trumpets

[Time: the present; Place: the governor’s office]

An aide: Governor, Ambassadors Pappas, Torres Ray, and Goodwin from the Emir of Northern Minnesota are here to see you.

Show them in. Don’t sound the herald trumpets, though.

Aide: As you wish. [the three ambassadors enter, nervously, and stand before the governor]

Do you bring greetings from the Emir?

Ambassador Pappas, the head of the delegation: Uh, not exactly.

Then why are you here?

Ambassador Goodwin: We have taken it upon ourselves to come here. We believe you should talk to the Emir.

I tried that once. It didn’t work.

The ambassadors, together: But there must have been a misunderstanding, Governor.

I don’t think so.

Ambassador Pappas: Well, okay, but does that really matter? We have to consider things going forward.

That’s what I’m doing. I won’t put up with the treachery. That’s the principal lesson here.

Ambassador Torres Ray: Is there some message we can take back to the Emir?

Sure. Tell him to come and see me.

Ambassador Pappas: So you’ll talk?

No, so he can abase himself before me and serve as my footstool.

Ambassador Goodwin: I don’t think he’ll go for it.

Well, that’s the deal.

Ambassador Pappas: If I may be so impertinent, I think you and the Emir both suffer overmuch from testosterone.

I’m sixty-eight years old.

Ambassador Pappas: Why yes, yes you are. Forgive my impertinence.

You’re forgiven. Actually, I’m flattered.

[relieved] Ambassador Pappas: Oh, you’re welcome, Governor.

Convey my offer to the Emir.

The ambassadors, together: We will Governor.

All of it.

Ambassador Goodwin: Um, sure.

[the ambassadors withdraw]

– o O o –

[Later in the chambers the Emir]

Ambassador Pappas: We bring good news, Emir! The governor will meet with you.

What’s the catch?

Ambassador Goodwin: There is no catch.

Ambassador Torres Ray: Not exactly, anyway.

What do you mean, “not exactly?”

Ambassador Pappas: There is a small condition. Meaningless, really.

And what is that?

[stammering] Ambassador Pappas: You have to abase yourself before him and serve as his footstool.

[quiet for a moment] I see. I get the footstool part, but what’s the abasement?

Ambassador Goodwin: Oh, it’s nothing, really; just lying prostrate on the floor and crying out about your unworthiness.

I won’t do the footstool, my back is bad, but I might go for the abasement. Will there be witnesses?

Ambassador Torres Ray: You know what the Governor said about meeting with you alone.

Right. Well then, I can’t do it.

Ambassador Goodwin: Please?

Ambassador Pappas: Pretty please?

Don’t beg; it’s unseemly.

Ambassador Pappas: But I don’t see another way forward. The Governor won’t budge.

Nor will I. Please leave.

[the ambassadors withdraw]

– o O o –

[still later]

Ambassador Pappas: The course is clear.

Ambassador Goodwin: We need a new Emir.

The ambassadors, together: We conspire with others anon.

Note: The three ambassadors were chosen (obviously by me, not the Senate) because two of them, Sens. Pappas and Torres Ray, sided with the governor on the vote to delay the Commissioner pay raises, and Sen. Goodwin is quoted as saying that the governor and Senator Bakk should talk.