Earth to Marianne!
KB: Earth to Marianne! Marianne Stebbins! This is Kurt on Libertarian Air. Mary Stebbins, can you read me?
MS: I read you, Kurt; just for the record, I’m on earth, too. [crackle crackle]
KB: What did you say, Mary? You sound far away. Adjust the tuning dial on your shortwave.
MS: [crackle crackle] Is that better? [crackle crackle]
KB: Um, sure. How are things in Tampa? I missed the Ron Paul rally stuff.
MS: What do you care, you turncoat? [crackle crackle]
KB: I can’t hear you, Mary! REE PEET. Over.
MS: I SAID, WHAT DO YOU CARE, YOU TURNCOAT?
KB: What’s that supposed to mean? [crackle crackle]
MS: [crackle crackle from Marianne] You endorsed Mitt Romney last Thursday and urged the Paul delegates from Minnesota to switch their votes to Romney. That isn’t going down very well here at the convention. Ron’s miffed about it, too.
KB: Aw, Mary, you know I did that just so I could go to the Lafayette Club and hobnob with potential donors. Lord know’s I need ’em. You wouldn’t believe how posh the Layafette Club is. Good food, too!
MS: Well, maybe, but it sure looks bad to your libertarian donor base.
KB: Snort. [crackle crackle crackle]
MS: What?
KB: Nothing.
MS: I do have a question for you: can you tell me how to get Cheetos stains out of carpeting? We’re having a helluva time with that after the rally. The beer — it was Miller Lite — comes out pretty well, but those damn Cheetos seem to have some kind of dye in them.
KB; Well, they do.
MS: That’s what I was afraid of. How things with you?
KB: A little disappointing, really. I have been at the Fair, of course. Remember the milk booth that Rudy Boschwitz used to run? I thought I’d try the same thing, only I’ve got the libertarian’s favorite: RAW MILK! [crackle crackle]
MS: What’s the problem?
KB: Nobody will drink it.
MS: Ignorant fools. The truth will set them free!
KB: Actually, raw milk sets me free sometimes, too.
MS: Freedom isn’t free! [crackle crackle]
KB: Mary, gotta go! There ‘s somebody here at the booth! Over and out! Hey, little girl, want a glass of milk?
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